Elder Speak 2025: Merry Roy finds peace by letting go of expectations
For educator Merry Roy, carving out a meaningful and fulfilling life has meant staying true to the principles of her Christian faith, devoting herself to community building at every stage of life, and accepting the inevitable challenges that happen in the course of a life.
Merry’s journey has been focused on addressing life as a pilgrimage, in which the goal isn’t the destination but in learning experiences along the way. I interviewed Merry recently as part of The Ripple Foundation’s Elder Speak program. She and her husband Joe join long-time marketing executive Glen Carlson and retired Stehekin School teacher Ron Scutt as this year’s Elder Speak participants.
After they both retired, Merry and Joe undertook one of the world’s most famous pilgrimages, walking the Camino de Santiago, a network of pilgrimage routes leading to the tomb of St. James in Spain.
She found that walking the ancient Camino was a master class in living in community, with pilgrims looking out for one another along the route, sharing food, medicine and camaraderie. Walking the Camino meant living simply and taking life one step and one day at a time, which runs counter to our culture that prizes accumulation of wealth and material goods amid a more transactional type of existence.
Merry and Joe’s journey together goes back to their college days, when Merry and Joe found each other while traveling by train during a winter storm in the Midwest. Merry recalled walking to the platform of the elevated train with her suitcase and sleeping bag and being accosted by a railroad official who probably thought she was a runaway. He asked who Joe was, and she blurted out, “he’s my husband,” she recalled. They were allowed on the train and eleven months later, were married.
Merry was born in Wisconsin and grew up in the tiny town of Sydney, Ill., where “everyone knew everybody,” she remembered. She received a BS in education.
After graduation, Joe went to work for Outward Bound Europe where he taught mountain climbing and skiing. Returning to the U.S., they were looking for a small town within a few hours of a major city with opportunities to ski and hike.
Tom Byrne, who was the principal at Wenatchee High School, hired them both in 1970. Teachers at the time had a lot more flexibility in terms of developing their own curriculum. “Joe did psychology and anthropology and sociology, and I did mythology and propaganda techniques,” she remembered.
They taught for two years in the old high school on Idaho St. before leaving for the east coast, when Joe entered the seminary. The Roys lived with other seminarians in an old parsonage and enjoyed a sense of communal living. They also started their family in Boston, having their first child and adopting their second chilld. They ultimately had two biological and three adopted kids.
After Joe completed his studies, the two of them had the opportunity to return to the Wenatchee Valley and have been at home there ever since.
Merry taught English as a Second Language at Pioneer Middle School, had a home school called the New Jubilee School and then taught for two decades in the Orondo School.
Merry recalled that she and Joe worked for years to figure out a way to develop a shared housing experience in Wenatchee, but that dream never came to fruition as they expected. Instead, they shared their home for 10 years with other families and single adults and developed intentional relationships with neighbors. .
That sense of the importance of community and caring for creation has defined the life that Merry and Joe Roy carved out for their family.
Merry says one of the most significant lessons she learned is not to get attached to having things turn out as she wants. Those expectations “are the enemy of the gift,” she said. Letting go of expectations has been a life-long process that continues to this day.
She also tries to live the value of “Be Kind: Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” It has been the source of her ongoing efforts to encourage and support peace making.
The Elder Speak participants will speak at Snowy Owl Theater in Leavenworth On Sept 7 and at the Wenatchee Valley Museum and Cultural Center on Oct. 9 in programs that are free to the public. For more information, check out theripplefoundation.org.